The Made for Life calendar is officially out — and you can buy it here. The funds are used to help support people with cancer by offering spa days, workshops and get-togethers that inspire wellbeing. Being in the calendar itself has been a form of support, and one that I did not expect.
I have written about feeling "like Frankenstein's monster" during my own recovery, and when I think about that and look at my calendar page (November), it underscores how much has changed. After I bought the calendar, I went through my photo archives trying to find pictures of myself after surgery. In one photo, I'm pale and wan and I am still wearing my drain under my clothes, but I've accessorised my orange fabric drain bag with a sparkly blue brooch and I have a manic grin on my face. Another is a horrific photograph of my reconstructed breast when it developed necrosis (tissue death), and a golf-ball of black tissue had to be cut out. There's no way to put a positive spin on that one.
I've been watching Facebook as fellow Mermaids and breast cancer
patients write about how they felt being in the calendar. One friend
wrote: "thanks to Made for Life and to Mark at Face Photography for
helping me to 'like' myself again." I know what she means as I look through my photos — my 'before' and 'after' shots. What I notice most in my calendar pic is the calm and self-assured expression. No desperate grin in sight.
Tomorrow I am going to the Made for Life ball, a fundraiser for Amanda Barlow's splendid charity that supports people with cancer in Cornwall, and I am going to help launch the naked calendar. Because I am in it. Cripes! I only agreed to do it if the photographer would "take me from behind" (it was a slip of the tongue you understand); I decided I'd be happy to show my back scar, of which I'm rather proud.
The scar on my back comes from the reconstruction surgery - my left breast is made of back muscle, the latissimus dorsi. Once angry and swollen, it had refused to heal for months before settling down into a defiant pink sinewy line. But when I was in the studio this summer, the scar had all but disappeared as far as the camera was concerned. We had to make a plan B. Now, as I look at this preview of the calendar — which appeared on the "Cornwall's Coolest" website yesterday — the scars are indiscernible to the viewer, but I know they are there for every single one of us. They're there just as surely as the pink silk ribbon of breast cancer flutters and cuts unmistakeably across the images. This calendar is not just a call for awareness — it is a salute to the scars.
The Made for Life 2013 calendar, with photographs by
Mark Walker of Face Photography, costs £7.50 and is on sale through the
Spiezia Organics website from October 1st. The website also has full details of the Made for Life Foundation.
I've had loads of fun today playing with words and images and making a prototype cover for my book. A budding friend, artist and writer Felicity Notley let me use a photo she took of a magical pond in Croatia. The illustration is by Harry Clarke (1889 - 1931) who illustrated the Little
Mermaid for an edition of Hans Christian Andersen fairytales.
I liked the result so much that I printed off a few copies and wrapped
them around existing books. Feels like I just got published. A bit cart and horse, but still lovely. Hey ho. Back to writing!
